Rationalized Bias: Love and Relationships

Human beings are rational creatures that rationalize everything even when they don’t express it. Have that in the back of your mind always.

Being conscious of everything and anything can be limiting especially when in the circumstances under which such come to be are marred with conventionally accepted norms. Conventions are established as a result of constant exposure and culturalization in a particular environment where you subscribe to the beliefs with or without any specific basis for them.

I tend to think through matters, draw on past experiences and relate with circumstances I have encountered in life. Yesterday I went out with a good friend and as usual stories keep rolling to pass time and unwind. It was a great evening. We talked everything and anything and as you had guessed from the title, we talked relationships, dating scene and love as we love to term the basis for all these relations. I got drawn to a moment in 2011 when I was in high school and for the men who went to boarding schools you can relate the thrill that came with having a female teacher in practice take you on a course. In my case it was English Literature and as it would turn out, she was one open and liberal teacher so we could discuss relationship matters as well. (This was not sexuality education if you got it twisted there.)

In one of these classes we ended up talking about choice of partners in marriage and as usual the basis was love. Probing further on the status of this person you would end up loving; there were standards to be met (educated and probably having a well paying job.) The irony of the matter was that it all started with debate on “Equity and Equality.” As eccentric as I would later realize I was, I queried why you would have to focus on settling with someone who is empowered when you have a chance to level the playing ground and help someone rise in the social rank? I never got a response but then I kept thinking and from my journey through life this has always been a concern when it came to considering marriage.

I have an idea of marriages and relationships that are barely surviving because the partners were unmatched according to societal norms. It’s absurd how we can consider ourselves just and considerate but at the same time normalize and rationalize biases as a society.

What brought this line of thinking back was the fact that in one of our stories, there happens to be a lady dating a man head over heels but struggling to justify why she is in the relationship. Ladies you know that point where the main thing that keeps you is that he is nice, he cooks, he takes you out and wants to spend time with you etc. It’s rationalization of the relationship. Trying to justify why you are with him whether you want to or not and most times you have nothing concrete to hold on.

I’m trying to figure out if there is just but a plain and genuine basis for relationships or we have to rationalize what we feel or rather justify to ourselves that we love even when we don’t because of the convenience that comes with it.

I hope to learn from you on the comments section below.

Nothing is fair in love and war. Especially love when even the stakes of falling in love are hinged on social status.

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