Is it for love?

“Matters of the heart have no definite formula, they just happen. The ultimate test is how far you are willing to go.”

Love is a beautiful thing and as the lock downs are easing out I’ve been lucky to see marriage bands being tied from one weekend to the other. Some are with people I know, some my friends and others total strangers but as it all goes, the world is a small village I come to know about them. We all can know about them if we cared to.

In the past week there have been this discussion about “Guardian Angel” and at start I wasn’t privy to the whole story behind it. I’m not the kind of person to bother following street gossip unless it has something of value in it and for this case I feel it was a pertinent matter. With an age difference of over 20 years, with the lady being older definitely people had to talk and they did. There is aversion and apprehension to the relationship from most fronts which is a pointer on our social structures and culture. Partly I’d say it’s in our socialization process.

Growing up in the village whenever people considered marriage it was always recommended that the man be older than the lady and this was acceptable. This was even part of cultures where men would get multiple wives, some younger than their children but it would be acceptable. However, as times pass there have been a shift. In the current dispensation, marrying a younger lady makes her look like an opportunists prying on the man’s wealth which came with the “sponsor” title. Fast forward, there is this growing trend of young men being attracted to elder women. It’s not a norm in our cultures but needs to be looked into critically from genesis, the aversion examined and individuals made up their mind on what works for them.

I am of the school of thought that marriages and relationships are mutually benefiting arrangements between consenting individuals on the basis of companionship and love for each other. In this context, I am not certain of where the age factor comes into play. On the contrary, the arguments that have been in the space around the motivations behind such relationships are worrying. The most thorny one being the financial benefits associated with the relationship. I have no experience in the space but going with the trends, our materialistic nature have overtaken our value based system of living. This not only makes our relationships transactional and unequally yoked as they are not based on values.

Another component that has come up among the men circles has been the level of maturity. I am concerned considering all the evidence and narratives we’ve been fed point to ladies maturing faster than men. What changed at this point that young men can’t find mature, reasonable women among among their age-mates? These are worrying times but it’s a failure on our part as most of the growing has been without substantial responsibility thus the level of maturity gets in slowly over time. With no actual responsibility, critical thinking, problem solving and industriousness is not nurtured in young people and this extends into adulthood.

To cap it off, I am of the idea that there is not clear criteria on who suits as a partner especially when factored in light of age. On the same note, it’s not ideal to scheme off another in the name of being in a relationship. If you love someone and feel like you can be great together, confirm the feeling is mutual then you better live your lives. On the contrary the apprehension that we have as a society is because of the negatives outcomes of such arrangements that have been in our midst for a while and we fear having the cycles repeat.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to learn from you.

“All in all, we need to let life happen to us. Live, Love, Laugh. You have a limited time to do all these. Do it the best way you can.”

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