“We are but human, with flaws and strengths all we can aspire for is to improve progressively.”
“I know I’m not the best but not the worst. Everyday I fall short in one way or the other but all I wish for is to be better and to atone for my shortcomings. In case I never get to be the best you’d have wished for then I wish you see the little good that I’ll have done. At least I did my part and all I aspired for and worked towards was to be a better version of me every single day…”
Weekends come and go. We reconnect with the people we love, some we wish we gave much more than we did but in the end we are only human. We wish we had superhuman powers which may never materialize but for the time that we exist we better do the best we can for the ones we love and to live our best lives. Early this year a friend shared with me this song by Gramps Morgan, “People Like You” and I didn’t know what to say or not to. In retrospect I had tried my level best to be the best friend I could be and hopefully I had done my part. On the same note, there are areas I felt short and had failed my friends, family and confidants in a big way. I felt like an imposter for I wasn’t the best that some saw in me but at the same time I wasn’t the worst I felt I was for not being able to help those I could. It isn’t the best of feelings but we are human. This made me remember a piece I wrote two years ago when I was at my worst and a friend needed me most. I never shared it but took note and archived it:
“I went to bed feeling super elated. I had discussed my vision for a better future, my dreams and desire to make a difference by serving humanity. It was such an exhilarating discussion with utmost conviction. I believed in myself, in the kindness of humanity and the ability to change the world. Then I saw that message, I felt some pain, I felt a cold-chill down my spine. Before I could open the text to read the content, I had a glimpse of the word ‘favor’ starting it off and I knew I was being called on to do something. This was my friend reaching out for help, exams are on and he isn’t in a position to sit for them owing to financial constraints. I feel the pain, I want to help but I am not in a position to. I wish I could do something at this juncture but I’m incapacitated.”
“When you ask me of help, I want to help you but I cannot.
When I see you go hungry, I want to give you food but I also lack on such occasions.
When I see you cry out of pain from your ailment, I want to buy you meds but I can’t.
When I see you fail to sit your exams, it pains and I want to get you all your fee at once knowing what hope your family has on you but I can’t.”
“I feel the pain, I dread responding to the message, I feel betrayal in the society but I am not able to solve all the problems I see. I just wanted to let you know that if I could, you’d never lack; if I could you’d have all you need; if I could your dreams would come to be but being broke I can’t help. I am sorry for failing you.”
“I’ll text you back how sorry I am for not being able to help, I know it wont be of any help but my wishes for you are the best and I pray hoping things work out in the end.”
I ask of you to accept me for being human, make peace with my imperfections and inadequacies but most importantly help me see the good in me for it’s not easy to come to it.